M&M’s Survival of the Fittest
October 12, 2007 - By Bobby Solomon - Category: Food & Drinks
Jeff sent me this bizarre ‘Best of Craigslist‘ posting, from a man in Tampa Bay, and I thought I’d share it:
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
Pure Genius.
Bobby
Comments
If you've got something to say, keep it positive.that is definitely one wicked idea.
hilarious!!
compliments of TARA Q
all of prolly@ enjoyed this, too.
:D cool idea. we used eggs as kids. ;)
mental! i wish i loved M&Ms. i need to find a way to duel my fave chocolate biscuits! :D
LOL! You’re the best (and a little mad xD)!
And I thought I was weird with my M&M’s.
Haha. This is the best!
A co-worker and I actually tried this the afternoon after I posted this.
It is quite fun, although we had several M&Ms shooting across the room from the intensity!
This is a random efect, not natural selection!!!
[...] [kitsunenoir] & [...]
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M&Ms: The Eugenics War
Coming to a theater near you…
*facepalm*
*giggle*
I so needed this today. :D
This piece has been circulating for years – I first read it ten+ years ago and spent a few high school lunch periods smashing m&ms. Glad to see it’s getting some more attention.
[...] Enough ranting – on to the candy! [...]
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