M&M’s Survival of the Fittest

Jeff sent me this bizarre ‘Best of Craigslist‘ posting, from a man in Tampa Bay, and I thought I’d share it:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Pure Genius.

Bobby

14 Comments M&M’s Survival of the Fittest

  1. Chris Halsted October 13, 2007 at 8:41 AM

    that is definitely one wicked idea.
    hilarious!!

  2. Jeff October 15, 2007 at 8:26 AM

    compliments of TARA Q

    all of prolly@ enjoyed this, too.

  3. ksklein October 18, 2007 at 2:55 AM

    :D cool idea. we used eggs as kids. ;)

  4. Elit Alice October 18, 2007 at 3:46 AM

    mental! i wish i loved M&Ms. i need to find a way to duel my fave chocolate biscuits! :D

  5. Frafra October 18, 2007 at 5:12 AM

    LOL! You’re the best (and a little mad xD)!

  6. Joshua Rudd October 18, 2007 at 9:24 AM

    And I thought I was weird with my M&M’s.

  7. Andy October 18, 2007 at 10:45 AM

    Haha. This is the best!

  8. Bobby S.Bobby S. October 18, 2007 at 10:54 AM

    A co-worker and I actually tried this the afternoon after I posted this.
    It is quite fun, although we had several M&Ms shooting across the room from the intensity!

  9. Andrés October 18, 2007 at 12:15 PM

    This is a random efect, not natural selection!!!

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  11. DAVE ID October 20, 2007 at 2:48 PM

    M&Ms: The Eugenics War

    Coming to a theater near you…

  12. Xedra October 26, 2007 at 3:01 PM

    *facepalm*
    *giggle*

    I so needed this today. :D

  13. Anne October 28, 2007 at 6:13 PM

    This piece has been circulating for years – I first read it ten+ years ago and spent a few high school lunch periods smashing m&ms. Glad to see it’s getting some more attention.

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